firing your friends

Posted on June 7, 2007


you’re firedOh, not all of them. But, just as yesterday we covered how to know when to quit your job, we sometimes have to consider when to quit relationships.

I’m an accommodator, myself, and generally prefer to fix up bad relationships rather than delete them, and sometimes I fix them and fix them and fix them until they utterly collapse on me. This is not exactly productive, and sometimes not even fair, to one’s self or to the other.

Some relationships, like some jobs, are just not worth it.

The financial blog No Limits Ladies has a great article on the most common kinds of friends you can do without, and when to know it’s time to start doing it.

When To Walk Away

Most of us have a hard time seeing things for what they really are; we want to believe the best in people. We don’t want to admit that the signs were there and we didn’t heed them. We can’t deny who we are, or who we want to be- faithful friends. But how long can you stay in that negative marriage? How long can you keep that friend whose word is worth jack crap and only keeps you around when they need something?

What is your self-esteem worth to you? What are your dreams and freedom worth? How about your time and energy- your kids? When it comes to having these people in our lives, the price is high…too high.

Friendships are voluntary, but what about family?

If they’re blood you’re sort of stuck with them in one sense, but while we’re trained from birth in how to relate to our families, there’s no law in the world that makes that particular way of managing your family mandatory. Got caller ID? Use it; yes, call screen your own mother if you have to. You aren’t going to cut her out of your life, but if you choose not to talk to her for a week or so you’re an adult and you can set that limit if you please.

Sometimes a little space in a relationship gives us each room to grow and something to share with joy when we do come together. God knows, I get along great with my sister when she lives in Ottawa and I live in Vancouver; put both of us in the same city for a week and things aren’t so comfortable. We know our limits and we deliberately arrange to spend enough time together to share and have fun, but not so much that we get on each others’ nerves.

Bring the same kind of calibration and awareness to your own relationships and you’ll find that you enjoy your friends more and they you as well. Own your own relationships. But yeah, sometimes you just gotta fire people.

It’s about taking back the power to set your own boundaries. You may be friends with someone, but going forward that’s a choice you make every day, and it’s better if it’s a conscious choice to which you’ve brought both your heart and your head.

Your relationships, no less than your possessions, are your own to do with as you please; treasure them, show them off, enjoy them, study them, put them away for the season, or give them away as you decide.

relationships wikipage

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